4:44

monday
june 12 2017
422 am

Day 12…AND I AM STILL SICK

the WEIRDEST combination of nausea diarrhea and congestion…

twelve whole days…

ALMOST A FULL TWO WEEKS

to say I am over it would be a gross understatement

A z-pack, antibiotics and some of the strongest over-the-counter meds and I’m still not better. I remember during one of my early therapy sessions, my therapist brought in a sista who is also living with HIV. She looked at me and said in one of the sincerest voices I’d heard in a long while “Be prepared for the sick days.” I remember being locked in her gaze because the intensity in her voice and in her eyes, had me frozen for a moment.  I took it as an FYI and filed it in the very back of my mind. Not fully understanding what is was that she was trying to convey. But as I lay here with the smell of Clorox cleanup floating through the air like a medicinal incense, I’m reminded of her words…

be prepared for the sick days…

434am

and the alarm is set for 630.

I’ve tossed and turned all night. Didn’t even put on my retainer when I got in from the concert because sadly I knew what the night would entail as I drove home. It crazy how now I am even more in tune with my body. Times like this make me beyond tired. The feeling as if life, God, His children and creations are literally tap dancing IN my last nerve. Weary is more like it. Weary to the point that I hope that it doesn’t show in any of the pics I posted over the weekend. Weary to the point that I feel as if I have no push or press left. Weary where I wish for my body before any of this.

one hour and twenty six minutes before this damn alarm goes off.

Nausea and insomnia have me so entangled in this torrid two-step that I don’t know where the bed ends and the toilet begins. A throat raw because the vomiting has been constant for almost two weeks now. But black girls can’t afford to break down. HIV or not, I HAVE to be on. First meeting of the day – 10 am. Appointment at 11 am…another meeting after that. Emails to send, calls to make, work to be done. My tired is tired and I just want to go back to sleep. If I close my eyes now I can get one hour and twenty eight minutes of sleep nap…

444A

and now I’m wide awake

be prepared for the sick days…