disclosure

tuesday
february 21 2018
1027 pm

me: on the phone rambling about my usual musings, probably and more than likely HIV, political, church or black folks related

sugarbear: babe, you know I still got that video you sent me telling me about your status.

me: ummm, I know you do. *I for real laugh out loud at this point* I’ve thought about posting it but wanted to make sure you were okay with it. I just wasn’t sure.

sugarbear: why not? I think you should. it shows your strength. it shows how you handled the conversation and I am sure others have questions about how to do something like this. so, do it.

me: for real?

sugarbear: yeah.

me: okay, imma do it.

sunday
february 12 2017
1256 pm

I remember this day like no other.
it was unseasonable warm in Memphis and I was out riding around after church.
you had been heavy on my mind.
not because I was growing gleefully anxious and counting down the days til I saw you again.
make no mention of the fact, I was longing to hug your neck and kiss your face.
I even played back the conversations were we talked about what we would do and you had even promised not to fall asleep on me because your demanding schedule left you drained most evenings.
nope…
all of that had been pushed to the recesses of my mind.

I was 136 days positive and although we talked all day every day, I had yet to disclose to you the fact that I was.

I pulled over in office depot parking lot.
propped up the phone in the best angle possible in my car,hit record and let my heart speak…

you set the bar high going forward.
you took me disclosing that I was HIV+ on the chin and didn’t once flinch.
told me that you loved me.
told me that nothing would change.
And it didn’t.

and for that
I appreciate you
I thank you
I love you